the elusive one

last night the boys and i were at the bar.

drinking pitchers of beer and playing pool.

we took photos of each other with our camera phones

chatted up the bartender and doorman,

caught up with old friends we ran into.

as the night wore on, we got began to get closer,

laugh about the state of our lives,

talk about the friends that have moved away.

we all hugged a lot in our t-shirts and jeans.

i'm the only girl, the oldest,

so the boys wanna marry me off soon.

they declare their love for me -- platonic love, of course.

we all hug, but seriously...

they say i should marry one of them or have their babies.

they always say i'm marriage material.

one said boys generally like me because i'm stable,

i take care of everyone, that, and i'm easy on the eyes.

this summer, three boys or men, not these boys or men,

have declared

some sort of level of fondness and devotion towards me.

i once thought that

if someone told me that they wanted to love me,

i would at least give them a shot.

it doesn't work that way though,

you can't help the way you feel,

minimally, you need the initial spark,

that feeling that makes you want to try.

of these declarations, i declined all, but one.

we're taking it slow.

watching tv, dinners, cuddle sessions,

emails that end in "xoxo",

nights that end with a peck on the lips,

we're even dabbling in public displays of affection.

spending time with him motivates me to try harder.

i want to keep trying and hope he does too.