breakfast at tiffany´s

melting

i rarely drink enough water

but i try really hard to

filling glasses with ice cubes

letting the water

fill in the cracks

the ice cubes eventually melt

and all i'm left with

are half empty glasses of water

all over the house

lola stars and stripes

that time of the year

reassessing.

weird fishes

thursday

with disappointment and forgiveness

in my heart

i do not have an answer

for you

for myself

so i will take my time

to figure out my feelings

******

we become a cliche

self-help books

inexplicable fears, anxieties

we keep in our coat pockets

hashing them out in front of a stranger

during once a week therapy sessions

at least i don't have to take care of a litter box

or have a book club

i'm close though

grocery store

little grasshopper

a night with my little sister

*****

we made tuna casserole and ran errands

the popcorn is in the oven

drying sweet and salty caramel

sticking to each popped kernel, each pecan

we're making christmas presents too

watching beautiful girls

catching up over burnt shortbread cookies

sandwiched with raspberry jam

i missed this

i've been focusing too much

on what i don't have

first world problems

every time i have a low point

i will remember that

every minute, every day

is an opportunity

to make a change

and appreciate what i have

flightless bird, american mouth

snow and honey

walking home from the car

the trees bare

like all snowy winter nights

in my quaint little neighborhood

frightening, silent, beautiful

the streets are covered

white

*****

my tonsils are inflamed

its hard to swallow

the hot chamomile tea touches my lips

the honey coats my mouth

extinguishing the fire in my throat

perspective

basically, i wish for lots of things:

balance

a sense of self and calm

a connection beyond reason

never ending hope

and every day i am grateful for:

a loving family

loyal friends

a healthy heart and body

and my courage

lua

winters love

flip the script

i'm no longer amused

baseball gets boring when there are no outs

and you're not even swinging

don't be so dramatic

it is sitting in the garbage

shattered

along with the

aluminum foil wrapped turkey

the cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes

and your toothbrush

the writing on the wall is gone too

the sheets are in the dryer

and they don't smell like you anymore

they all smell like dr. bronners

but the lavender kind

not the peppermint kind

that one smells like you

and i would breathe it in deep

so deep

when you would hug me at night

before bed

no evidence is left

except a couple of coconut bars

and the memory of what wasn't

so nice. so smart.

choosing

oh yes

it's better than perfect

the chance, the possibility of something different

to make something of yourself

or

to do what you've always done

to crawl into a safe place

staring into the face of someone

you'll never see again

because you honestly do not care to do so

so

go on and talk of a future you'll never have because

you've never have the courage to try

continue working on the puzzle

with the missing pieces

the pieces you've hidden

hold your breath and continue

to sink

continue

drowning in bath water

making something out of nothing

nestled in fleece and cat hair

blurred images flickering

as the room goes from light to dark

and back again

i rub my eyes

the same long conversations in the car

double-parked and flashing lights

drinking coffee to ease the frustration

tears and hugs, kisses and promises

exposing fears and pains

and the sharing of dreams

dreams we both saw

but were too afraid to pursue

living in the same house

the intimate, delicate dance of daily routines

being each other's number one fan

hugging in the kitchen

spooning on the couch

making love on the kitchen table

and of course

the children

laughing in the backseat

with curly hair and full lips

the children we will never meet

it was all too beautiful to touch

and so we never did because

mutual adoration will only take you so far

when only one of you is brave

when only one of you has the heart to try