my first language is one i barely use. i think i've evicted spanish from my memory. every time i begin to speak, i get so nervous that i forget what i am trying to say, (unless i'm drunk) and in a panic, i begin to think in english and say the most ridiculous things, words that mean almost what i want them to mean, but not really. the sentences are choppy, disjointed, my personality and passion barely glimmering.
i wish i could rely on this excuse when speaking english, the language that also keeps my foot permanently in my mouth. i could say that i just forgot it all and that i cannot communicate, that would solve things.
you didn't call me, like you have other things to do. why don't we hang out any more, aren't i a priority?just be honest, as if it's so easy. these are things that we say to people we care about. i say them all the time, asking more from the people around me, friends and family alike. why are my expectations so high? would i be able to attain them if someone set them for me? i'm not sure. i think it's time to take a step back (not off the deep end) and revise this possible character flaw. maybe i lack the patience to sit back and observe the evolution of the people around me as they struggle as i do to keep it together. could i be this patient with myself as i try to become a better version of who i am? i guess, we'll just have to see.
No comments:
Post a Comment