shopgirl

heavy

do you have the courage to feel the weight of emotion on your shoulders, around your waist,

when i rest my fingers across the back of your neck, when i lean my body against yours and you walk backwards

dragging my feet against shiny wooden floors

********

my fingers are still sticky and smelling of ruby raspberry jam

the windows are open

and my apartment smells like dead leaves and autumn

this is a time of transition

just like the weather in chicago

i can't seem to make up my mind

i'm hoping it all works out

i need an outline

a new perspective

a plan of action

i need direction and support is all around me

i need a hug and a warm blanket tonight

the wind outside is changing direction

and all i can feel is the cool breeze deep in my bones

i got lost

honeybunch

i was so delighted to have you back. i missed seeing your face and hearing your voice so much, that i forgot to keep my needs and emotions at the forefront. i was too caught up in the sleepovers and the morning muffins.

my biggest flaw in relationships is my genuine concern for the well-being of others. i always end up forgetting about myself. i end up building resentments and feeling like an afterthought.

you'd like to keep going, but would like to slow down the process. after much rumination, i think i may agree, and only because i need to focus on other aspects of my life, other than you. i need to remember the other half of this equation - me.

pijamas

rice crispies

turn off the television and take off your shoes

bring me a mug of hot chocolate and crawl into bed

i'm waiting to listen

shaded underneath the blankets

covered in cotton and flannel

look at my face and

tell me what you're afraid of

i'm interested in building a connection

based on emotional intimacy

rather than physical attraction

please try to take down the walls

i promise that i will be

careful with your emotions

constant in my strength and understanding

i promise that i will be honest with myself

about how i feel about you

please try

to take advantage of this opportunity

please

do not give up

please

let me in or let me go

give me sympathy

fortune cookie

not writing as much this month

i've been in my head quite a bit

trying to ignore the festering thoughts and insecurities

tomorrow

i will force myself to work things out

on paper or screen

but for now

i'm content

just eating fortune cookies in my pajamas

goodnight

maybe tonight

emotional unit

i tend to lean towards the dramatic

when left to my own devices

in reality

my reactions are not really based in truth

just an inclination to not communicate

i am guarded though certain in my convictions

apprehensive to express them

so emotions flash across my face

and you have to ask and wait for me to deny

any inkling of truth

and what i want is so simple

to ride bikes in the country

chase each other around the house

eventually surrendering to desire

never quite making it into bed

waking up to soy milk lattes and morning muffins

long walks to the neighborhood grocery store

cozying up on the couch with

peach cobbler and laughter

every journey is different

this one is slow and subtle

the change is constant

a fledgling commitment to be more receptive

to possibility